There’s only one thing worse than a rail replacement bus – and thats a late night rail replacement bus (especially when its the last train home and therefore packed to the rafters with pukers, space invaders and drunken banalities). Having just been to see The Death of Klinghoffer at ENO (of which more here) I put out a late night call to twitter for lyrics for the #railreplacementbusopera.

When all you want to do is go home - the last thing you want to do is be sent to Billericky (as nice as it may be!)

Heres where we are so far (the chorus sections are shown in ():-

(Greater Anglia sing their blessings upon you)

Scanning the trains
for the eleven eighteen
Its not there
Its not there

(Billericay Dickie, Billericay Dickie)

Watching the tracks
A train is what it lacks
Theres rain on my back
Oh rain on my back

(Billericay Dickie, Billericay Dickie
A (key change) 12)

– modulating and building into high excitement now –

oh the rail
rail replacement service
now I know what a turd is

– the excitement leads to the arrival of the spectre Rail Replacement bus doomed to run forever (cue Wagnerian orchestrations)

[missing lyrics ‘the commuters imminant disaster song’- contributions welcome!!]

– the driver gambles slavation on rounding Billericay in a storn

[the storm ballet]

(suddenly we begin to hear a blues riff)

Billericay. Billericay
Rail replacement ain’t what it used to be
Oh Billericay
You disappoint me

I’ve got the rail replacement bus blues
I’ve got the rail replacement blues

– the chorus now have two lyrics – they are sung concurrently –

(the shame / billericay dickie
the shame of the train / billericay dickie
on the main liiinnneeee / A (key change) 12)

[enter a God like figure]

Never got on a train with this travelling man
You’ll be delayed you’ll end up in a kebab van
For your tea

[the God like figure curses the driver he must drive round and round Billericay for all eternity]

[we hear the chorus again]

(Honour, riches,bus replacement
long continuance and discomfort
Hourly waits be still upon you

Billericay Dickie, Billericay Dickie
A (key change) 12)

Final chorus

commuters despair – lyrics welcome!

Epilogue – a loan voice is left on stage

I’m a sitting on the train to Ipswich town
No bus turns the frown upside down

Woah woah
The rail replacement blues melt away
On this sun shinny day

As you can see – still some way to go – but thanks to all the lyricists – @nickwhitej3, @bishanyia, @jumpeduptheatre and @juliaatthehub. More contributions very welcome – use the #RRBopera


One thought on “#RRBopera

  1. Pingback: Spot the ball in a Jane Austen drama – yep more Friday musings of an irreverent nature! « Matthew Linley’s Blog

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